The Most
by SergeantPixie
Summary: Ashley muses about the people she loves, and who she loves the most. Ashley/Amy sister-fic.


_**AN: So I have just started watching The Secret Life of the American Teenager on Netflix, and I am totally addicted. I am only ten episodes in to the first season, but of course I already have fanfiction ideas floating around in my head. So here is one that I haven't been able to get out of my head. It is from Ashley's POV, 'cause I fucking love her. I hope you guys like it, and please tell me what you think. I own nothing!**_

**The Most**

"_There's nothing wrong,_

_With coming up empty and cold,_

_Staying too long,_

_And trying to change rocks into gold,_

_I've been there too,_

_I've wasted myself,_

_And you were there for me,_

_So whenever you crash,_

_Wherever you land,_

_That's where I'll be,_

_And for every endless midnight,_

_There's a sky full of broken stars,_

_And there'll always be a place for you,_

_Inside my arms, _

_Where does it hurt?"_

Ashley loves Amy the most. She knows that it sounds childish, that she seems like a possessive little sister, but it's true. Sure, her parents love Amy, and Ashley loves her parents too. But Ashley won't ever really forgive her dad for cheating, or her mom for being blind to all their issues. But she can forgive Amy for getting pregnant. Amy had always been naïve, a little too naïve, but naïve nonetheless.

Her dad is a good Dad, and she loved him, but he cheated, and not just on her mom, but on her and Amy, and that is unforgivable. Maybe some people think she is a Daddy's girl, but the truth is, she's a Sister's girl (if that even exists). She loves her father despite his betrayals, but she just loves Amy more. (When she was little she followed Amy around like a puppy, with her fingers fisted in Amy's skirts, and Amy would giggle and smile at her and Ashley would be content with being the afterthought as long as her big sister saved her a smile.)

Her mom is a good person, and tries to be very attentive and loving, but she is so busy trying to figure out what her husband is hiding, that she doesn't notice that something is wrong with Amy, or how often Ashley is left in the dust as nothing but an afterthought. So Ashley loves her mother, for all her sweetness and how hard she tries, but not as much as she loves Amy. (She likes to lie on Amy's bed and listen to her play the French horn, because then it doesn't matter that her mother forgets her, because Amy is playing just for her.)

Ashley doesn't have friends. Well sure, she has people she hangs out with, but not friends. She doesn't tell them her problems, and she doesn't care about theirs. She saves her secrets for Amy. If she likes a boy, she tells Amy. If she gets an A on her English paper, Amy is the first to know. If she is sad, she crawls into Amy's bed and buries her face into her sister's soft neck and sobs. So Ashley doesn't really have friends, but that's okay, because she has Amy. (When her school had a dance, and no one asked her, she cried into the silky skin of her sister's neck. And Amy held her and tells her she is beautiful, and that boys were probably too intimidated by her beauty to talk to her.)

Madison and Lauren love her sister, in their own messed up ditzy way. But they don't love her enough. They are too busy being jealous of Amy's soft honey-sweet beauty, and musical talents. They are too busy telling all her secrets to love her like Ashley does. Madison is too busy making gaga eyes at her new boyfriend, and Lauren is too busy convincing herself that she has some deep connection with Ricky. They don't hold Amy's hair back when she pukes, they don't deal with her mood swings, because they don't love her like Ashley does. (She lets her sister crawl into her bed, and reverse the roles, as Amy cries into Ashley's neck because her best friends aren't really her best friends. And Ashley comforts her sister and promises to be her best friend forever and ever.)

Ricky, in his own twisted, broken, messed up, way loves her sister and their unborn child. But not like Ashley does. He loves Amy in the sense that she was the only girl that can get him to stay. The only girl he won't run away from. But he still wants to have sex with every girl that looks his way, and he still blames Amy a little more than he blames himself. He's too busy trying to defile Grace Bowman to love Amy like Ashley does. He doesn't dry her tears when boys call her a slut and Adrian glares at her as if it is all her fault. So Ricky could never love Amy like Ashley does. (Ashley always calls Ricky "The Drummer" when she mentions him to other people, because he doesn't deserve a name.)

Ben thinks he loves Amy as much as Ashley does. But he doesn't. Sure he gets pretty close. But he doesn't know her. He's always trying to get her to change her mind, to do what will make him happy, and sadly, her sister does do those things a lot. But Ben isn't there in the middle of the night when Amy is scared. Scared that she ruined her future for one night at band camp. No, Ben isn't there, but Ashley is. And she holds her sister and tells her it's okay, and that it'll all be okay, and hums Michael Buble until Amy falls asleep, or isn't scared anymore. Ben is just a boy in love for the first time with the perfect girl. But one day he'll fall out of love, and Ashley will still be there, and she will still love Amy the most. (Ashley is never rude to Ben, but she avoids him, because he isn't good enough for Amy, no one is.)

So sure, Ashley loves her parents, but she loves Amy the most. And sure, their parents love Amy, and so do Lauren, Madison, Ricky, and Ben. But none of them love Amy like Ashley does. Because Ashley loves Amy the most.

**The End**

_**AN: Sooo, there it is. It isn't as good as I had hoped it would be, but it's not terribly bad, I think. Anyway, I would love to know what you think, so please review, even if you want to tell me you hate me. The song lyrics at the beginning are from Where Does it Hurt, by the lovely Alexz Johnson, if you haven't heard it, I urge you to take a listen, it's pretty amazing. And if you want to know which specific Michael Buble song I imagined Ashley humming to Amy, it would have to be Lost, it's my favorite.**_

_**xoxo**_

_**-PiXie**_


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